Our resident “rascal”!
CHAPTER FOUR
The days went on and on. I could see freedom but every time I made a break for it, one of the prison guards would yell at me and tell me no! It was awful. I was pretty lonely, too. A lion needs its pride! ROAR! Then, one day, this other lion showed up. He was super angry like I was. He really gave the dummies a run for their money! He tried to kill them every time they opened his jail cell! Why didn’t I think of that? Nothing but respect for that dude. I had to let him know I was king of the jungle, though, so I regularly went up to his cage and hissed at him. ROAR! Message delivered.
The captors called him LB for some reason. I heard one of them say it was short for Lonesome Boy. What a dumb name. Well, that dude stayed forever in that cell. I told him I understood why he was so angry; been there, done that. But, if he were to settle down, it’s possible they’d let him out of the cage like me. He must have listened to me, because each day, LB calmed down a little. I didn’t find him nearly as entertaining but the dummies seemed to like it. He clearly doesn’t have the heart of a lion like I do! ROAR!
LB started letting them pet him. I didn’t like that at all. That was my gig. What if he won them over and they let him go? I wasn’t going to let that happen so I decided to make him my slave. I’m pretty persuasive, so it didn’t take long for him to know I was boss. I’d walk up to that cell and ROAR! He was cowering in his boots!
The captors really liked that dude and let him out of that cage. I was not impressed but at least they didn’t let him go as I’d feared and he did cower when I came near, which I enjoyed. He knew who was in charge, ROAR! LB was pretty afraid of the captors but for some reason he really liked me. I guess he knew who was boss and he fell into line pretty quickly. I started letting him groom me, that’s what a servant does, right?
That was about two years ago and LB and I have become friends. As long as he minds me, and knows I’m kind of the jungle, we get along just fine. ROAR.
Twilight
CHAPTER THREE
Other than being imprisoned against my will, things were going ok. One day I hear the dummies start talking about “Murray”. I didn’t know what a Murray was but I didn’t like the way they were talking about how “precious” he was. They stopped paying as much attention to me which really angered me so I tried as hard as I could to escape. That’s when they started chasing me with this thing on a long stick. It was all bristly on the bottom and they used it to scoot me back to my room every time! I hate that thing; I know it’s bad news so I take off when I see it. ROAR! I think they call it a broom.
I finally got a look at that thing called Murray. I couldn’t believe it, he was a lion like me! He was the exact opposite color, though, so he must have come from a polar region. I didn’t know what was up with him but man he looked like he’d been through a warzone. He didn’t seem to mind when I barged into that place they call the infirmary. It’s actually a torture chamber, I know that because that’s where solitary confinement is. Plus that’s where they did the unspeakable to me. They were doing the same thing to Murray. I sort of felt bad for him cause I know how embarrassing it is. He didn’t seem to mind, though. He seemed to really like the captors, too! Something is really wrong with that dude. He even purred for them! What a jerk!
They must really like Murray because I heard people making a big fuss about enclosing the food room so he could stay! I was NOT happy about that. First they stick me with this LB character, now Murray. I am king of the jungle ROAR! Luckily, they put Murray in that little room. Mine is twice the size of his so I was at least glad for that.
I usually get to run around the hallway and other cells when there aren’t any other prisoners, and sometimes, even when there are prisoners! I make sure I let all of them know I’m the boss, so I always make sure to inspect their cages and then I sit on top of them ROAR, king of the jungle!
Unfortunately, they started letting that dang Murray out of his cell, too, so me and LB would run into him. LB likes all lions so he wasn’t bothered by him at all. Actually, I think he liked him because every now and then I catch him grooming Murray! What an idiot LB is.
I am not a fan of Murray! He refuses to accept that this is MY jungle! I do my best ROAR and that jerk has the audacity to roar back at me! Who does he think he is?!!!! We mostly ignore each other which is better than a rumble every time.
Well this went on and on for a long time and then the worst thing happened. They started letting Murray in MY room! He took over something they call a couch. LB doesn’t like it because he’s too scared to get off the ground. I’d never been a fan of that big thing, but that doesn’t mean that it’s ok for HIM to use it! Who in the heck does this jerk think he is?! Luckily, he usually minds his own business, but I still make sure to let him know I’m in charge. ROAR! He never listens, though, I think something must be wrong with him. And, he seems to really like our captors! He climbs all over them and purrs. I don’t know what this idiot is thinking. Clearly, he is just not right.
It’s not all bad with Murray around, though. The captors opened his cell to mine so we can go back and forth. I do like that but I still don’t like that Murray is on MY couch. I make sure that I sit there as soon as one of those dummies comes in to see him. He crawls up on them and I spread out on their lap. I don’t do this for pets, though, I just want to be sure those dummies know I’m still in charge ROAR!
CHAPTER TWO
My life wasn’t always like this. I used to have a home where people cared about me and I had enough to eat; but I barely remember that, it was so long ago. I just remember trying to get back in after one of my walks and no one was there. I tried every day for a really long time, but no one answered. Whatever happened to those people, I’ll never know because no one ever claimed me. I didn’t care though, I’m king of the jungle and I don’t need anyone! ROAR!
Something happened to me while I was living outside, I’m not sure what, but my front paw hurt real bad and I had to hold it up because walking on it hurt so much. People kept pointing these things at me and I heard them say they were “posting” something called a “video” on something called “Facebook”. Well let me tell you, that’s how these Meow Mission people found me. They started stalking me but I’m king of the jungle and they weren’t getting a hold of me, no sir! ROAR! I eluded them for a long time and I heard them get real mad, it was great! HA! I’m smarter than all of those dummies. I’d find the purr-fect place to hide and didn’t come out until they were gone. It was getting pretty tedious though, cause they would stay for HOURS and I had stuff to do!
Well it had been a few days since I’d found anything to eat and when I smelled that delicious meal in that weird metal box, I just couldn’t stop myself from eating. It was sooo good. And that’s how they got me. After I got to Casa Meow (that’s where the dummies keep their prisoners), they put me in this bigger metal box they called a kennel. I hated it and I made sure they knew how much. I growled and hissed and made sure they knew I was king of the jungle, not them! ROAR! The accommodations sucked but at least the food was delicious and there was SO MUCH of it. Oh that was just wonderful not to be hungry and have to look for food all the time. And the fresh water was amazing! I drank and drank, it was so wonderful not to be thirsty.
Well, they kept me in that jail cell forever, only taking me out to go back to that horrible place with all the dogs. Each time, I’d forget what happened and wake up back in my cell. I overheard them talking about something called a “Neuter”. I don’t know what that is but I guess they did that to me. I can’t say I minded it, though. I felt less restless which was nice. And, I didn’t seem to get as angry, either. I still didn’t let those dummies touch me though. I made darn sure they kept their hands to themselves. ROAR!
My paw still hurt after several weeks and my eyes were always gunky, even after my upper respiratory infection went away. That’s when a nice lady named Kari said she thought I had something called entropion. I guess my eyelashes grew inside my eyes and they kept scraping my eyeballs. No wonder my eyes always hurt! Back I went to that scary place with the dogs and super mean people. This was the absolute worst, though. When I woke up, I had this horrible thing around my neck called a cone and it was strangling me! Oh how I hated it! I was sooo embarrassed, no one could see my beautiful lion’s mane, how would they know I’m king of the jungle?! ROAR! They took me back to that damned cell and put this horrible stingy stuff in my eyes every day! It was awful! And that cone was sooo uncomfortable, oh, it was just torture. It was so hard to eat!
I was very stressed out and my tummy was upset and I had to go potty all the time. It was almost impossible to groom with that stupid cone so my bottom got pretty messy. That’s when it happened. One of the dummies came at me with something and a bowl of water! I’m not going to tell you what happened next because it was so undignified. I was mortified. I didn’t talk to that person for a very, very long time. I really hold a grudge. ROAR!
As horrible as that torture with that cone thing was, man, did my eyes feel better! And I could see without all that yucky gunk. That was super nice. It was amazing not to have my eyes hurt all the time. The captors kept telling me what beautiful green eyes I have and I have to say, I enjoyed the praise. I guess those dummies weren’t so bad after all, they understood the king of the jungle needs praised! ROAR!
My paw finally started to feel better. They told me it was soft tissue damage. I still don’t know what that is but I’m pretty grateful it stopped hurting. That stupid cone finally came off, too. After that, things got lots better. I started letting a few of the nicer captors pet me. It wasn’t too bad and they seemed to really enjoy it. I thought If I could win them over, maybe they’d let me go. Well, that was too much to ask for, but, they did finally let me out of that stupid jail cell! I was still prisoner in that place called Casa Meow but at least I had room to run and stalk prey so that made me happier. I eventually let them all pet me, they didn’t seem too bad, especially when they brought me snacks and played with me.
CHAPTER ONE
I’ve been held captive with these people who call themselves Meow Mission for almost three years now. The accommodations are ok, I mean there’s plenty of delicious food and fresh water. I have some pretty darn comfortable beds but I can’t seem to get any air! I’m trapped by something called a door! They never let me out and its torture! What did I ever do to deserve to be held in this captivity?! Oh, the horror. Lions don’t belong in cages! ROAR!
I do, though, like it when the people come and praise me and tell me how handsome I am (DAH!) and they like to pet me which I have to admit feels pretty good. Sometimes they get these things out called toys and they let me chase them and sometimes I even catch them! The torture chamber, though, is the worst thing I’ve ever experienced in my life! They gang up on me and hold me down while one of them grabs my feet and cuts my toenails down! Don’t they know a lion needs its claws!? ROAR! This happens at least a few times a year and each time I get madder and madder. I do my best to puff up and make myself as big as possible and I hiss, growl and spit but they always overpower me! It’s absolute torture and I am so mad afterwards that I punish them and don’t let them praise me, or pet me, or anything! I give them my worst stink eye ever and let them know I remember what they did and they will not be forgiven anytime soon. ROAR!
You’re probably wondering how I got here. Well, I was just minding my own business at this place called mutual housing. I stupidly walked into what I now know is a trap. All I knew is that I was so hungry and there was an amazing smell coming from that weird metal box. My tummy was rumbling and I just couldn’t say no. Well, I barely got a bite in my mouth when that frigging door came down and I was stuck! OH I was so mad! I hissed and spat and did all the scary cat things I knew to do but nothing kept those people away from me!
They took me to some place that was so loud; there were all kinds of dogs barking and I had to go back to this room with people wearing these weird masks. I must have fainted because I don’t know what happened next, but I woke up all warm and groggy with a wonderful meal next to me. It was sooo tasty, I just gobbled it down. You see, I’d been struggling to find enough to eat for a very long time. So whenever I found something edible, I made sure to eat it up super quick because I didn’t know when I was going to find more food. Sometimes it was days before I could eat again. I was pretty thin and they told me I was frail. I don’t know about that, I mean just look at my lion’s mane, I’m one scary lion and I’ll kick anyone’s butt! ROAR! I didn’t feel very good and I had a hard time seeing because all this gunk was always in my eyes. I’d clean them real good, but the next day they’d be all yucky again. I guess I had a really bad upper respiratory infection, at least that’s what they tell me.