CHAPTER ONE
I’ve been held captive with these people who call themselves Meow Mission for almost three years now. The accommodations are ok, I mean there’s plenty of delicious food and fresh water. I have some pretty darn comfortable beds but I can’t seem to get any air! I’m trapped by something called a door! They never let me out and its torture! What did I ever do to deserve to be held in this captivity?! Oh, the horror. Lions don’t belong in cages! ROAR!
I do, though, like it when the people come and praise me and tell me how handsome I am (DAH!) and they like to pet me which I have to admit feels pretty good. Sometimes they get these things out called toys and they let me chase them and sometimes I even catch them! The torture chamber, though, is the worst thing I’ve ever experienced in my life! They gang up on me and hold me down while one of them grabs my feet and cuts my toenails down! Don’t they know a lion needs its claws!? ROAR! This happens at least a few times a year and each time I get madder and madder. I do my best to puff up and make myself as big as possible and I hiss, growl and spit but they always overpower me! It’s absolute torture and I am so mad afterwards that I punish them and don’t let them praise me, or pet me, or anything! I give them my worst stink eye ever and let them know I remember what they did and they will not be forgiven anytime soon. ROAR!
You’re probably wondering how I got here. Well, I was just minding my own business at this place called mutual housing. I stupidly walked into what I now know is a trap. All I knew is that I was so hungry and there was an amazing smell coming from that weird metal box. My tummy was rumbling and I just couldn’t say no. Well, I barely got a bite in my mouth when that frigging door came down and I was stuck! OH I was so mad! I hissed and spat and did all the scary cat things I knew to do but nothing kept those people away from me!
They took me to some place that was so loud; there were all kinds of dogs barking and I had to go back to this room with people wearing these weird masks. I must have fainted because I don’t know what happened next, but I woke up all warm and groggy with a wonderful meal next to me. It was sooo tasty, I just gobbled it down. You see, I’d been struggling to find enough to eat for a very long time. So whenever I found something edible, I made sure to eat it up super quick because I didn’t know when I was going to find more food. Sometimes it was days before I could eat again. I was pretty thin and they told me I was frail. I don’t know about that, I mean just look at my lion’s mane, I’m one scary lion and I’ll kick anyone’s butt! ROAR! I didn’t feel very good and I had a hard time seeing because all this gunk was always in my eyes. I’d clean them real good, but the next day they’d be all yucky again. I guess I had a really bad upper respiratory infection, at least that’s what they tell me.